In keeping with my want to talk about grief, here’s an outline that should be placed within an outline to show the grieving process properly.

Note: This is NOT one of my copy and paste outlines. Each beat of this outline should be carefully pasted according to your novels pacing. Meaning, “The Precipice” might be placed near the start of Act IIa of your chosen outline, and we might not see “The Act of Helping Others” until the beginning of Act III.

The bottom line with change (and change is the substance of story) is that it requires loss. Even when change is positive, we lose something of ourselves coping with its effects.

The Mourning Path:

The Precipice: The precipice is where you’re standing as you learn about the death of someone dear to you. It is a place filled with so many different emotions that you hardly know who you are, much less begin to process them.

The Loss/The Hurt:

Whether it’s a close friend, spouse, partner, parent, child, or other relative, the pain one feels immediately after the death of a loved one can feel overwhelming. You may experience waves of intense and very difficult emotions, ranging from profound sadness, emptiness, and despair to shock and numbness.

The Initial Shock:

Shock is typically experienced as one of the first stages in the grief process, and eventually it wears off. For some, shock recedes very quickly. For others, shock lasts for hours or days. Everyone is different and there is no right or wrong way to experience shock.

The Numbness:

Some of us feel sad when someone dies. Some of us feel angry. But some of us feel nothing at all. Emotional numbness can be linked with a type of grief called ‘inhibited grief,’ which is characterized by suppressed emotions.

The Denial:

Denial is the refusal to accept the facts of the loss, either consciously or unconsciously. If dealing with death is personal, there is a refusal to take necessary steps to prepare for death, such as a will.

The Emotional Outbursts:

You’re definitely upset, but more often than not, you’re not upset at who you think you’re upset at. Grief and emotional outbursts tend to walk hand in hand.

The Anger:

Many people do in fact feel angry when someone we love dies. Angry at being abandoned, angry at the extent of the pain, angry that our life is changed, angry that managing grief feels difficult, and angry that the world suddenly feels different—empty, unsafe, or lonely. Swallowed feelings don’t disappear.

The Fear:

If you search fear symptoms on the internet, you get a list of very similar feelings in both grief and fear. Grief feels like fear because it leaves you reeling in uncertainty. If you think about it, most of the things that we think give us a sense of certainty in our lives, do not. We assume that if we live right, eat right, take care of ourselves, and are loving and thoughtful, we will be rewarded and those we love will be kept safe. When the worst happens, we then question who we are, and where is God? What do I do? Where do I turn next? How do I move forward? Do I even want to move at all? Nothing makes sense and caring about anything seems fruitless. We don’t feel safe in our own skin. And we don’t know whom we can trust.

It’s hard to explain this “search” to people who haven’t experienced it because it isn’t just a matter of looking around for the person and finding they’re not there. Instead, search, in this context, means doing all sorts of things to try and repair the physical attachment - like seeking out sights, sounds, smells, people, and places that remind you of the person. Sometimes you get so close that for a split second, you honestly think you’ve managed to cross the void. But then, once again, your loved one is gone. It’s like they’ve picked up the phone, said “hello”, and the signal cuts out.

The Disorganization:

Just from a superficial point of view, the face of a grieving person can be pretty damn messy – bloodshot eyes, runny, red nose, puffy eyelids, red nose and other outward appearances that we might want to hide. Grief can also throw other physical aspects out of whack. An example: The house is in complete disarray.

The Panic:

Grief can make us feel like we’ve lost our sense of safety and control. It’s natural to feel panic or worried about what might happen next or even to worry that we might lose someone else in the future.

The Valley:

The valley is where you’re sitting when you’re neck deep in the grief after losing someone dear to you. You can’t see a way out of it, and in most cases you have no interest in leaving in the first place.

The Loneliness:

Loneliness is a natural part of grief and it is one of the more trying aspects of accepting a loss. When a loved one dies, a hole is left that no one and nothing else can fill. It is as if no one else can know or understand. The intense and mixed feelings of grief can lead to separation and isolation from others.

The Guilt:

Guilt can be a common yet complex emotion in grief. The truth is that we can feel guilty about so many things. Guilt does not always have to be rational to be real. That means even when we realize our guilt is not based on reality, we still may experience it.

The Isolation:

Experiencing grief can be an isolating experience for many people. The only person who can truly understand your loss is you; nobody else knew your loved one in the same way you did, and no one knew them in the exact way you did.

The Depression:

The depression associated with grief is like being in an ongoing, heightened state of mourning that keeps you from healing.

The Hard Climb Out:

The hard climb out is when you start to look past the grief that has all but consumed you, and you start to look at what life means and what life looks like beyond that grief.

The Loss Adjustment:

You know that you’ve reached this stage when you can do the following: Recognize the loss, react to the separation, recollect and re-experience, relinquish old attachments and readjust and reinvest in life.

The Recovery Guilt:

In recovery guilt, grievers tend to look at other people who have been grieving a similar loss or perhaps even the same loss, and sense that they are coping too well.

The Re-Entry Troubles:

Once the effort is made to get back into the normal routine, the pain of loss makes it difficult to be as trusting and open as before the loss. Suspicion must be battled constantly. Friends and families are tested again and again.

The New Relationships:

It’s not always easy to understand that it is possible to love and miss someone, while having room to be happy and involved with new people and new relationships.

The New Patterns:

Most of our habituated behavior serves us well. Checking for traffic, when crossing a street, keeps us safe. Brushing our teeth and washing our hands promotes better health. The list is endless. Once that belief system and our habits are established, we follow them without a second thought. The fact is that these habits become such an integral part of who we are, that anything that doesn’t fall within them tends to receive an automatic critical response from us. This is all about changing old habits on how to deal with emotionally painful events and creating new ones that help you move through and beyond them. It’s about helping you discover those things that are incomplete in relationships and finding a way to let go of those painful feelings that you have stuffed inside. It’s not about forgetting the past, but rather being able to effectively deal with it.

The New Hope:

Gradually, the pain subsides and the world becomes bearable again. Hope sneaks through the cracks in the walls built up as protection against hurt. Energy is regained. The process of rebuilding seems possible.

The New Affirmations:

The loss is accepted without bitterness. Death begins to give way to new life. Purpose is regained. A new, different reality is where life is to be lived.

The Act of Helping Others:

When someone in your life is dealing with a loss, you now intrinsically understand just what to expect as they go through the grieving process and you can help them get through it.

This is one of my favorites. It showcases grief in it’s own outline inside whatever outline you’re using for your story. Do you like it as well? Drop me a comment down below.